I thought by now I’d be further along, That I’d care less about my hair or what I wear, Less about pleasing, achieving, perfection. I thought I’d be friends with my thighs, bare Them at picnics on the beach, dance With them in the ocean. I thought by now I’d care less about what people think, Think less about my skin, the rut between my brows, And how God keeps letting us down. I thought by now I’d know how To properly butcher a chicken and stop holding on To pants I no longer fit in. I thought by now I’d be gentler with myself, Be able to enjoy AN ENTIRE BAGEL Without condemnation or a repentant 5k. I thought by now I wouldn’t worry about my children Growing to hate me or worse: apathy. I thought by now I’d floss every morning, Wash the makeup off my face every night, Meditate, be over the heartache, enjoy eggplant, And finally see the good guys win. Also? I thought I’d be more cynical, more devoid of hope. But the stars give me perspective and The Old Gods of the Forest tell me Truth and I sip that magic elixir, coffee, and I feel the love of friends, And I know in my knower there is goodness in the land. And so, perhaps, I am farther along than I thought.