Calling · Creativity

The Key To The Universe

I started writing in 3rd grade, in a pink Barbie diary that had a tiny brass key, which I promptly lost, so I had to pry it open with pliers. No longer able to lock up my words, I was faced with the writer’s dilemma – would I write real and raw or clean it up for the consumption of others?

I tucked the diary underneath my socks and underwear and bravely wrote about my secret infatuation with Kirk Smith, the boy across the street with the silver tooth. I lamented about being left out of tether ball at recess and not winning a ribbon for the shoe kick at field day even though my shoe went the furthest, disqualified for stepping over the imaginary starting line. I wrote terrible poems about tortuous teachers and I doodled quite a bit. Mostly rainbows and flowers.

I worked through adolescent angst in spiral notebooks that I buried in the back of my closet. I wrote about the icy silence between my parents, their eventual divorce, the heartbreak of fractured friendships and all the awkwardness that is middle school. I might also have doodled some hearts with Kirk Smithโ€™s name in the middle.

For many years after, ย I believed my thoughts and words were best kept stored away in my head, but eventually they made me toxic so I asked them to evacuate the premises and I started blogging. I’ve blogged on and off for the past 5 years in this sort of pattern: I love blogging! I love writing! I am such a narcissist! Why am I doing this? This is terrible! I have nothing to say! I have something to say! The world needs to hear what I have to say! I am a prideful! I should be more humble! I will quit! I will start! I will quit! I will start again!

I exhaust myself.

Welcome to my war. The war of words, the war of art, the art that demands to be born no matter how deep we bury it. Unlocking our vulnerability is the key to the universe. I show you mine, you show me yours, and we are both less lonely.

What is it that you need to unlock? Let it out friend, the world is waiting.

Note to my readers from my former blog, Salt and Grace: If you were a subscriber (thanks!) you’ll need to subscribe again to this blog to continue getting email notifications when I post. I hope you will. Thanks to all of you new and old readers who take the time to read what I write. It is humbling.ย 

12 thoughts on “The Key To The Universe

  1. Beautiful! Authenticity is such a beautiful trait! I see you as such an authentic person, being real and encouraging others to as well. Keep believing in your gift so we can all continue to share it.

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  2. Oh my gosh! I had a crush on Mike Sterns in the 3rd grade and HE had TWO silver teeth and the cutest smile!! I had a similar diary but with flowers and after some time lost the key and had to cut thru the thick plastic strap that protected all my secrets. Yes, writing is a good friend, but I am so thankful, and I’m sure you are too, that now I can just tell it all to Jesus – and ask him to come crash my pity party and chase out the Liar. Thanks for encouraging us to release our hard stuff to others and to Jesus.

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    1. haha linda! that is so funny. silver teeth – no one would be attracted to that these days. that is a good word – releasing our hard stuff to Jesus!

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  3. I’m looking forward to accompanying you on this journey, Cara, learning more about you, more about me. Just to show how far ahead of me you already are, I just this month learned to embrace my vulnerability. This silver tooth fascination has me baffled, tho. I love, love, love you, beautiful daughter.

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  4. It has been such a joy to accompany you on your writer’s journey thus far. I so appreciate your incisive, candid questions and openness and raw vulnerability. You do have something to say. I am so glad you are starting to say it again in a public forum!

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  5. Read this last week while driving(passenger seat, of course). You are a great writer and somehow you always bring others in on your journey dear friend! We can’t escape your challenges!

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  6. Oh dear lovely Cara- thank you for your words! I’ve been battling blogging myself on topics about kids and adoptive families but I continually hear in my head that I have nothing anyone wants to listen to. Thank you for putting yourself out there and encouraging us to do the same. I wish I lived closer to you.
    Love much and keep them coming
    Misty
    Ps. I didn’t forget about our call. Life just happened ๐Ÿ˜œ

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    1. thank you sweets! you definitely have much to teach us friend on what love looks like. i’ll keep bugging you about it – it is my spiritual gift ๐Ÿ™‚ i get the life/phone call thing. these are the days of our lives.. xxoo

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